My Personal Weight Loss Journey

Update

2012-01-22T10:11:00.004-06:00

I am always interested in bloggers' weight who disappear for a while, then return. I'm always interested to see if they stayed on track. I have found that some do, but many do not. This blogger right here, me, did not. I stepped on the scale last night (wrong time of day) and it read 279lbs. Now, just how does that happen?

I am not good with time management and being lazy doesn't help. I do not know how single parents balance, work, kids, school, and extracurricular activities all while trying to live a healthy lifestyle. I not only eat the wrong types of foods these days, but I have also been binge eating like nobody's business and I think that's because I believe I have failed at trying to achieve a healthy lifestyle. It's hard work. And while I've never considered any type of weight-loss surgery, I'm starting to wonder if I should because of my blood pressure. Clearly, it is difficult for me to maintain any type of weight loss.

I have to be honest, though. The type of work I do is not meant for me. I am an emotional eater . I sit on my ass all day doing the most MUNDANE work. While I'm thankful I have a job (temp), there is nothing stimulating about the type of work that I do. Looking back, since I first started working at an office job, I started gaining weight. Lord knows this is not the type of work meant for me. Thank God I will start student teaching next Fall, because I am tired of sitting on my ass doing nothing meaningful!!!

I'm not blaming my weight gain on my job, however, it is a contributing factor to my gain. When I teach, I will not be able to stuff my face ALL.DAY.LONG. I will actually be up and moving/interacting with my students. And, I WILL NOT be that teacher who eats in front of her students. That is incredibly rude and unprofessional for a teacher to do, especially in an elementary school where some children may not even get three meals a day.

Well, folks, there you have it! I've regained all but 10lbs. In exactly one year, I lost 40lbs to regain 30. Sad, sad, sad. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Thank you all for your kind comments and supporting me through my funk. I'll come out of it soon, especially when this temp jobs ends. See ya!

Excuses

2012-01-09T18:29:00.003-06:00

1. Tired

2. School

3. Kid

4. Work

5. Time

6. Tomorrow

These are just a few....

M.I. A.

2011-11-27T18:41:00.002-06:00

That's me! I haven't felt like blogging as of late, but I still continue to read you all's blogs! I've just been busy with life and trying to sort things out. I'm not nearly as depressed as I was after my father's death. And I have to be honest, I didn't feel like I received a lot of support from my blog, so I quit blogging for a while. I've had to remind myself that I do not blog for you all (I love you, though!), I blog for myself. So whether some people choose to support me or not, this is my therapy and I'm going to try and get back into a routine with writing.

Anyhow, the most important issue at hand is my weight. Yep, I'm at about 263lbs and not feeling good. Actually, I'm feeling like I was 297lbs again, so it's time to get serious. I'm going to take each day as it comes, and pray I can make it through without bingeing.

Motivation

2011-10-22T12:46:00.002-05:00

Whew! I have been away from my blog for the longest time! I have been trying to find some motivation somewhere between my last post and this one. I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and I was at 257! I cannot go down that path, so I am taking control of my health once again.

Although I have been struggling with exercise, and have been making the poorest decisions regarding food, I know that I can easily get back on track. I just have to REMEMBER why I am doing this in the first place, and that is to get HEALTHY!

I have been following everyone's blog and have read some oh so inspiring posts. You all are such a supportive group of men and women and you all have been working hard!

I'm not sure how often I'll post as I am busy with school, work, and a child, but I promise I will continue to work on my health!

Thanks again for all the support during my 2 month long slump!

October

2011-09-30T17:11:00.002-05:00

I miss my dad. I have been crying nearly every night for the last 2 weeks. In the middle of my sobs, I grab a snack and try and eat until the pain goes away. Night after night, this has been my routine. That stops now.

My father was a very religious man, and if what he believed is true, then I know I'll see him again one day.

I am going to spend the next 31 days doing exactly what I did the first 31 days of losing this weight; I am going to give up the soda and the snacking. I am going to allow myself to deal with my emotions. It would help if I had someone to talk to about my loss, but I don't, and that's just the hand I was dealt.

Now, I am not promising a huge loss for the month of October, but I am going to give it my best shot.

Again, I appreciate everyone's encouraging words through this difficult time for me. I truly, truly appreciate them.

Oh, and I've been trying to comment on some blogs, but stupid Blogger won't allow it, so sorry, folks!

Where Should I Begin?

2011-09-18T21:27:00.002-05:00

I have been sitting at 250-251 since last May. I have not been selective with my food choices and I feel like crap. I honestly feel like I felt at 297lbs, which means it's time to honestly get back on the saddle.

I want to do it, but honestly, the motivation IS NOT there and I can't force it. All I can do is take one day at a time and try and figure out what it is that keeps holding me back.

Hmmm....

2011-09-06T20:55:00.002-05:00

Fazoli's
Chili's
McDonald's
Logan's
54th Street
Applebees
Burger King
GoJo's (Japanese Steakhouse)
Jimmy John's
Subway
Denny's
Jersey's
Manny's
Hardees
Buffalo Wild Wings
Sonic
Five Guys
Perkins
Bar and Grill

These are some of the places I've eaten at within the last two and half weeks. I haven't worked out. I've been drinking lots of Sprite and Hi-C Orange soda. I just stopped caring when my dad died, not because I was terribly sad, but because I was terribly busy. I haven't cooked a meal in a month or so, and yet I have justified all of this because the scale hasn't been fluctuating too much. Granted, I haven't lost, but I haven't had a big gain, either. That changed today. Well, the soda and the binging. I would like to lose weight, but somewhere along the line I forgot why I was changing my life. It was to get healthy, to get my heart healthy.

My biggest fear now is that I will be like the person my dad was. He was so charming to strangers. No one would have ever guessed he was one of the biggest assholes ever. He was married 6 times and just divorced his wife of one year one month ago. He didn't know how to love. He was angry and bitter. He blamed all of his problems on everyone else. Eventually, his heart gave out and he is no longer here. Is that who I am going to be? Most of you do not know the depth of my anger issues. These issues manifest when I deal with men and I don't know if it's because I want to push them away because I am afraid to love, or if it is just because I learned the behavior from my father. He was a dick to women and I am a total bitch to men.

I don't want to go out like my father did. I want to continue to make strides towards living a healthy and fulfilling life. I want to learn how to love. More importantly, I want to learn how to receive it.

There's so much I need to work on. One day at a time, one day at a time.

Weigh-In Day

2011-08-28T11:34:00.002-05:00

I'm down 2.6lbs. I've been extremely busy, so I'll make a substantial post one day soon. Enjoy your week, all!

Weigh-In Day (LATE)

2011-08-24T08:23:00.002-05:00

Thank you all for your kind words, well wishes, and prayers. I know my dad is in a better place. He was a true, devoted christian and I know he is having the time of his life.

Last week I weighed in at 250.8, so I stayed exactly the same. Hope everyone is doing well. It's hump day, so enjoy!

My Dad

2011-08-20T13:57:00.003-05:00

Two weeks ago my kid, sister, and I took my dad to a Royal's game. He said it was his best birthday ever. My daughter told me to stop being rude to him that day, and I wish I never was. He passed away today. I've never lost a loved one, and I have mixed emotions on his passing. I do know that I will always love him. He's in a better, safer place.

Weigh-In Day

2011-08-12T22:18:00.002-05:00

I'm up 1.6lbs. Seriously, the 250's love my ass. I spent years at this weight in my early 20's. It's ridiculously stupid. Not only that, but I have spent 14-15 weeks bouncing around the 250's with an occassional landing in the 240's. That's nearly 4 months. What's the hold up you ask? Idk.

I am over it.

Weigh-In Day

2011-08-07T13:20:00.001-05:00

I'm down 2.2lbs. Big surprise there.

Anyhow, I have a post about this weekend, but I am busy now, so I'll post later! See ya!

Picture Time!

2011-08-04T20:29:00.013-05:00

Last week my daughter and I went to Starlight Theater to see Cinderalla. It was a cute musical and the kid really enjoyed it. Here's a pic of her that evening:

This week we went to see Mamma Mia. It was a blast! Here are a few pics from that evening:

My mother and kid:

My kid by the beautiful water fountain:

My mother and I:

The three of us are best friends and we really enjoy going out.

Now, last weekend I mentioned I went out, and not only did I go out, I wore my new black dress. Here are some pics I took of the dress, shoes, and earrings. The pics do not give the outfit justice, but you can get an idea. Here you go:

The dress from Maurice's:

The earrings from Deb's:

The shoes from Dillards:

All of the above were paired with a cute black clutch, which I did not feel like photographing. Now, since the dress was a hit, I decided to buy another one from Old Navy for this coming weekend. Oh, yes, it is an X-large! It will be paired with large white earrings, white shoes, and a white clutch. If I can find a white belt, I'll slap that on, too!

I ran across another dress that I instantly fell in love with at Sears. I was looking for one all summer with no luck. The largest size they had was a 12, but it looked "big enough," so I tried it on...

And it fit! I didn't buy it, however. Perhaps I will tomorrow since it's tax free weekend. Is it worth $20, folks? It might be if paired with the right shoes. What do you think?

Anyhow, that's it for now. Have a good one!

Chicago

2011-08-01T20:05:00.003-05:00

So I know what's keeping me in the 250's. It's the snacks. Nothing more to be said.

My sister and I decided that we will be road trippin' it to Chicago this fall! She turned 21 last February and now we can start traveling together! I am so freakin' stoked! So, if any of you know of any places that are a "must see," please let me know. I visited Chicago in my early 20's, but I was only there for 2 days and only went to a few clubs. I was there for a convention so I spent my days at the convention and my nights at the bar.

Anyhow, I'm hoping I can drop at least 15lbs by then. Seeing how long it's taking me to lose 5 (to reach 45lbs down), it may not be doable. Still, I can't wait!

Last Night

2011-07-31T20:24:00.003-05:00

Well, I went out last night, wore the black dress I mentioned in my previous post, and looked smokin' hot in it, too. Too bad I didn't do much and felt like I totally wasted a rockin' outfit. A gentleman at a diner gave me a little note which read, "I like your style. Call me." That was totally sweet! I texted him to tell him thank you, but I could instantly tell he wasn't my type; he could barely write.

Anyhoo, I still feel the affects of being obese. I was sweatin' like a pig while walking to the diner. Granted, I did have a couple of drinks before doing so, and alcohol always makes me sweat. I'd like to get on track this week and shed some serious poundage. We'll see how that goes! Have a great week, all!

Weigh-In Day

2011-07-29T16:48:00.002-05:00

Thank you to everyone who left supporting messages on my blog post from yesterday. I was overly frustrated with the scale (as you may have noticed). I am certainly glad I got that out. I tend to hide what's really going on inside when it comes to battling this bulge. I try to have a positive outlook and an open mind, but sometimes I just have to release my frustrations. I didn't mention in my post from yesterday that I feel like I have no self control when it comes to food, and that somewhere in the world, there are children starving and would give anything for a fruit or a vegetable, and here I am stuffing my face. It's so sad when put into perspective.

Anyhow, I want to give a huge THANK YOU to Miesha! She is so supportive and has done nothing but encourage me along my journey. She is not only beautiful on the exterior, but beautiful on the in. Thank you, Miesha. I will be heading to your blog soon to leave my contact info.

Anyhoo, I'm up to 251.4, which is a gain of 2lbs; big surprise there, huh? I will just keep pluckin' away. Hey, at least I know what maintenance is going to feel like, right?? Hard WORK. Enjoy your weekend, all!

Oh, I'm wearing my black dress tomorrow. Yep, me and all my curves. Thanks again, everyone!

Throwing in the Towel

2011-07-28T21:29:00.003-05:00

I am so sick of gaining and losing the same few pounds every week. I mean, for nearly three months I haven't lost shit. I stepped on the scale yesterday and the scale read 248, I step on today and it's 254.4. No, it's not the scale, it's my fat ass. I look in the mirror and I see grossness. I no longer feel like I'm on my way to a healthy weight; I feel STUCK at 250lbs. Who gets stuck at 250?? Me.

I have watched what I've eaten, but maybe not down to the nitty-gritty, but at 250, I really don't think an additional 100 calories is a huge thing, especially given the amount of activity I engage in on a weekly basis. I am so tired of being so fat and I'm ready to throw in the towel, although I don't necessarily know what that really means.

Does that mean I go and eat a double quarter pounder with a large fry and Dr. Pepper? No, that wouldn't make me feel good. At this point, I don't know what will make me feel better. I'm tired of being a fat-ass; I'm tired of my relationship with food because it has been my replacement for a man for years; I'm tired of being single and struggling every other week with how I look; I'm tired of saying I'm tired of being single; I'm tired of being tired.

I can honestly see why people have weight loss surgery. Sometimes, this shit gets to be too damn much. Yes, it's a struggle even with surgery, but people struggle with how to begin and how to keep going. I just want to wake up and feel "normal". I don't want to worry about anything. I want to live life and enjoy it. It's hard, though. One week I'm fine, 2 weeks later I'm miserable. I just want to LIVE! For fuck's sake, can I enjoy my life for a little while? Can I experience the pleasures of having a supportive and caring significant other? Can I provide my very lonely daughter with a sibling that she so desperately wants? Can I lose 50lbs so that I can love myself so that someone else can love me, or better than that, can I get someone to love me who is willing to listen to my struggles and be supportive of me? Fuck no. I'm going to remain a fat, single, unattractive, miserable human being until I learn how to change my way of thinking.

Wow, deep. I'm just so sick of this fat.

First Day On The Job

2011-07-25T20:16:00.004-05:00

My first day went really well! Remember all those worries I had about eating at my desk, and if the place had a fridge? Well, the answer is yes! I can eat breakfast at my desk and keep all my salad fixings in the fridge for the entire week! I know this may seem minuscule to some folks, but hey, my diet (meaning foods) is important to me and I'm stoked this place is accommodating!

Also, did my supervisor recognize me from the company (which was affiliated with the current company that is now out of business) I used to work for 12 years ago? Yes! Did I know many people there I used to work with? Yes! Even though this is a temp position, it couldn't be better! I'll make just enough to get through this semester and won't have to worry about the spring semester, either. God is great!

Anyhow, I stuck to my points, drank all my water, and I'm feeling great! Have a good one, y'all!

Randomness

2011-07-24T12:37:00.002-05:00

I want to thank all of you who are following me on my journey! Words cannot describe how it feels to know that someone other than myself cares about my health the way I do. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Welcome, new followers! I'm so glad to have you!

Tomorrow's my first day back to work and the only thing I'm worried about is breakfast and lunch. I know what I want to eat, but will they have a microwave? Will they have a refridgerator? Will I be able to eat breakfast at my desk? (I can't eat first thing in the morning. I have never been able to.) These are my primary concerns.

I need to give up the damn Doritos and the Rice Krispie Treats! Why can't I just refuse them? My daughter's lunch items are for her lunch, not for my fat ass.

My knees and shoulders are still killing me. I hope it's from the Zumba workouts I've been doing with a particular instructor. Her little bubbly ass kills me everytime I take her class! I'm not 20, lady! I'm 32 and obese!

With that said, I'm going to Zumba today. I will be engaging in the low-impact routines, however. I need the exercise and walking doesn't cut it. I would try the elliptical and bike as many of you have suggested, but my knees act up when I do those, too. They're not good for my knees, neither is the extra 100lbs. Go figure.

I am so over my Humanities course. This has been the most challenging course I've taken thus far. My instructor is trippin' with her assignment requests. This is a 3 hour credit class, woman, not 5. I have a final to take Thursday, which doesn't open online until Thursday at 9am, that must be completed by 9pm. My instructor said it will take roughly 2.5 hours and the test is composed of 30 multiple choice questions and 30 essay questions. Yes, she wants this completed by 9pm. How perfect for working adults raising children, right? So, since I was displeased, I sent this woman an e-mail asking if she could extend the answers and her response was no. She had students cheat one year, so she changed the deadlines. Well, since I am highly opinionated (and the class suggests women stand up for their rights), I explained to her that this was a massive inconvenience and that in 20 classes I've taken online, I have never had a deadline where the test opens one day and is due by a certain time the same evening. The point in taking online courses is for students to pace themselves, not stress themselves the hell out! I also told her that my daughter comes first, so I hope she understands if the final is ambiguous once completed. I can't think straight that late at night on work nights! Her response was that all semester I seemed displeased with the course, (which I am because she requires a lot of my time, and I mean like 20-30 hours every week, no exaggeration) and that it's almost over. I then explained to her that the only thing displeasing was the technical issues when she mentioned the discussion board posts were open when they were not. When they weren't, I e-mailed to let her know. I also explained that my only other issue aside from technical problems was the schedule for the final. If this woman thinks that I am complaining about the course over technical issues, then she has issues. Tell me, instructor, who should I e-mail if you're the one responsible for opening the posts? Exactly. Anyhow, the class ends this week and I will be filling out a student survey and contacting the Dean. Her class was absurd. I've only mentioned a few problems here, there are several more.

My kid is timing me, so I've gotta run. Have a good week, all!

Weigh-In Day

2011-07-22T14:44:00.002-05:00

I'm down 3.2 lbs this week putting me back at 249.4! Those are the same 3.2lbs I had gained at last week's weigh-in. I started counting points. My way wasn't working, so I'm trying WW for awhile. I need to get used to making better food choices because I have been sucking at it lately.

My knees have been killing me since last Sunday. I didn't go to Zumba class on Monday or Tuesday hoping the pain would get better, but it hasn't. I'm going to rest over the weekend and see how they feel next week. If they're not better by then, I don't know what I'm going to do for exercise. I'm afraid the high-impact workouts are getting to be too rough for my already injured knees. Suck.

Well, I start my job next Monday. Yay! I will finally have a decent income!! I can't wait to get started as I have not had a job in 2 1/2 years. It's time. This is also great because I am off from school until the end of August. Thank goodness because homie needed a break from the books.

Anyhow, I hope you all enjoy your weekend! I will be getting everything ready for my work week next week!

Gettin' Back in the Groove

2011-07-18T11:02:00.002-05:00

It's time to start ampin' things up. I have remained in the 250's for 2 months now and I'm ready for the scale to start moving downward again. I do realize it is up to me to get it moving. I am so proud of myself for maintaining my loss this long and for not giving up. I am still doing Zumba 3-4 times a week, but now it's time to start closely monitoring the calories. So, I'm back at it. I would love to get down to the 230's before the end of the summer. And since I know I'm fully capable of this, then I will do it! Enjoy your week, all!

My Life

2011-07-16T21:58:00.007-05:00

I have been really enjoying my life as of late. I have enjoyed shopping; I have been been dating; I feel better; I look better; and I feel like I am slowly but surely getting my life back.

Two weeks ago my girlfriend from NY visited and we went out. We went to a trendy spot downtown and visited for quite a while. It's always nice to see her.

Here we are before heading out.

Since I am starting a new job and haven't had to dress up in 8 years (and every article of business clothing is too big), I decided to go shopping. And guess what I bought?? A dress! Yes, it's been 10 years since I have purchased a dress. I cannot wait to wear it!

I must say, I look so much better in clothes now. I realize I still have a ways to go, but this is motivation to keep puttin' in the work.

My sister, her brother and sister, and my girlfriend all went out last night and we had a freakin' blast! I was hit on as soon as I walked through the gates to the local trendy spot we visited while downtown. Several guys asked me for my number and guys were dishing out the compliments left and right! Whew, it was a great night. Here are a few pics from last night.

Me

My sister and I

My friend and I

This is my life lately. I hope you are enjoying yours!

Weigh-In Day

2011-07-16T04:45:00.002-05:00

I'm up 3.2lbs which doesn't surprise me. I am totally bloated and didn't stay on track all week. I have decided that I am happy that I have at least maintained this weight. Soon I will get back on track and drop another 40 before the end of the year. That's my goal!

It's 4:45 in the morning and I just got home from going out with my sister. I am a little tipsy, so I hope this post makes sense. Have a great weekend, all!

2011-07-14T15:07:00.002-05:00

First off, weigh-in will not be glorious tomorrow. Oh well, I have just been enjoying myself since the kid has been gone for 5 WHOLE DAYS! I miss my "little pookie poo". She's never been out of my presence for more than 24-48 hours, and it was only 48 hours once.

I went on a date with a different gentleman yesterday and I'm thinking he's a little too old for me, and not very well established. So, it's on to the next one.

I found a contract position for 2-3 months starting on the 25th. This could not have come at a better time. My funds are depleting. I'm stoked because I will be off for all of my favorite holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

I love that I've lost 40lbs. I look better and feel better. My life is good. There are no complaints. However, tomorrow's weigh-in day, so my feelings are subject to change!

Enjoy your evening, all!

Weigh-In Day

2011-07-08T12:41:00.002-05:00

I'm down 2.2lbs. Why must my body hang on to water? I swear, I drank so much water one day this week and only used the restroom 3 times. I don't get it. One day I'm 259, the next 249. It makes no sense.

Anyhoo, I'll take the loss. Can I get another 3lb loss? It's not like I'm "skinny minnie" trying to lose some weight.

Blah

2011-07-04T18:15:00.002-05:00

I put myself on a 1400 calorie limit. Right now my body feels like it did the first week of eating right. I feel so fat today. Oh, did I mention I was 259 on the scale this morning? Yep, same scale that read 251 three days ago. I can't eat shit that tastes good. My friends can go out and eat a huge platter of french toast and stay a size 2. I order lettuce wraps and have a martini, and I gain 25 pounds. Why do I have to struggle with this shit?

Struggling

2011-07-03T21:48:00.002-05:00

This is not going to be an emotional post, just a real post. I'm struggling with my food. Exercise is great, but I am eating junk...a lot! It must stop. If I don't, I will gain this weight back. My main goal was to get healthy, and while exercising, drinking water, giving up anything caffeine, and eating turkey instead of beef are huge changes for me, I am still eating ice-cream (every day...Baskin Robbins or Mc'Donald's), huge lunches, 1 fruit a day, and possibly one veggie a day. I have got to stop! This is not healthy and I don't feel good, won't look good, and my health is never going to be good! Everyone says they'll start tomorrow, I know I CAN. And will!

Weigh-In Day

2011-07-01T17:07:00.002-05:00

I'm at 251.6, which means I'm down .2lbs. Let me tell you, I saw 250 on the scale this week and I knew I was going to be out of the 250's for this weigh-in. Ya right.

On a happier note, my body's been shrinking and I can tell because every pair of jeans I tried on today (that fit) were size 18's. Woo hoo! I haven't been in an 18 since I was 23-24 years old. So, I'm feeling pretty damn good!

It's a holiday weekend, so I hope you all enjoy it! Have a good one!

Who Dat??

2011-06-27T13:29:00.002-05:00

Me, last summer, 40lbs heavier.

Weigh-In Day

2011-06-24T09:21:00.002-05:00

I am down 1.2lbs this week bringing me to 251.8. For the love of gawd, can I get out of the 250's, please? Geez! This isn't that bad considering I saw 259 on the scale this week. Um, whoever doesn't believe your body can hold a shit-ton of water weight when you're having a period, you're dead wrong. I felt fat and miserable all week. As soon as I was off the cycle, the weight dropped in an instant. Anyhow, writing a paper. I have a busy ass weekend, too. My daughter's recital is this weekend; both Saturday and Sunday with a dress rehearsal tonight. Plus, I have a class all morning tomorrow. Fun! Enjoy your weekend, all!

My Date

2011-06-22T14:22:00.002-05:00

Weekend before last I had a date (as we all know). Well, I didn't see the guy last weekend because he had his son, which is totally understandable. I still haven't decided if I even want to see this guy again. Our conversations are lackluster and I don't think he "gets" me. I am a smart ass in every sense of the word, and I love to laugh. This guy seems a little too serious for my liking. I have thrown out jokes that go above and beyond his head. I have told him several times that I don't think I'm interested, but he's persistent. He has not given up. Part of me knows I would rather not deal with anyone because it's safer that way, but the other part of me is saying, "Lighten up, dude, for reals!" He's attractive, nice, independent (it's not always easy to find men with this attribute), and honest. But is that enough? I think it's too soon to tell. My intuition is telling me no.

Feeling FAT

2011-06-20T19:06:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling fat as hell the last few days, so today I'm tracking my calories and will not be bingeing.

I saw a full-body image of me in the mirror today, and let me tell you, it was a serious reminder that I am nowhere near thin, which means I am nowhere near healthy. I'm on it this week...

Weigh-In Day

2011-06-17T13:43:00.003-05:00

I was 253.0 this week. That's up .6lbs from last week. I need to get my ass in gear. No excuses, just going to make it a better weigh-in next week. Have a great weekend, all!

Blog Award!

2011-06-15T15:41:00.003-05:00

I would like to thank Dawnya over at Evolution of a Black Butterfly, for the Adorable Blog Award! I received one about a month ago, so you can check out that post here.

Thank you, Dawnya!

ISSUES...

2011-06-14T08:38:00.002-05:00

I quite honestly do not have time to make this post, but I have to do it while this is fresh in my mind. I have been bingeing at least 3 times a week on chips, salsa, 100 calorie snacks, etc. Basically, I have been getting down with my daughter's lunch snacks once again. The one thing I have noticed is that I only do this when I am a little stressed out, which I have been for the last week. Here's why:

Last week two of my classes began. I honestly had no idea how intense they would be. I should've known since they are classes I am taking from the community college; they are always more intense. I have no idea how to read sheet music (yes, one class is Music) and I didn't realize that I would actually have to sit through 5 hours worth of videos each week for my Humanities course before even beginning any assignments. The work is stressful, but I know I will get through it. With 5 classes this summer, I'm not sure I will get all A's, but I guess I'm okay with that.

Another reason I believe I have been bingeing is because I met a guy. As I mentioned last week, I had a date on Saturday; a blind date to be exact. It was stressing me out! I kept asking myself questions like, "What if he thinks I'm too fat?" or "What if I don't like him?" The list goes on and on. So, what do I do? I start to self sabotage because I'm great at it :)

So, he invited me to the movies, and I went. I was feeling pretty sexy I might add. Anyhoo, I pull up through the back entrance and who do I see walking across the freakin' parking lot by himself?? The guy! We made instant eye contact. Now, let me tell you, I just knew it was him because he was by himself and it seemed kind of odd for a man to go to the show by himself on a Saturday evening. Okay, back to the story. I freaked the hell out! From a distance this guy looked like he had on sunglasses that Dewayne Wayne from a Different World used to wear. You know, the round circular hippie glasses that were popular in the 90's. He was wearing a blue button up shirt and what I thought were black jeans. I instantly called my friend because there was no way I could meet a gentleman who was stuck in the 90's. My so-called friend was so unsupportive (naturally, the bitch) so I had to figure this out on my own. My only conclusion; leave.

I left, and after talking to myself with my friend (if that makes any sense) I went across the road to the mall and decided to call the gentleman to have him meet me over there. I just couldn't sit through a 2 hour long movie with Mr. 90's and no conversation. Anyhow, he thought I was nuts, but agreed to meet me across the street.

I was pleasantly surprised when he showed up. I misjudged him from 200 feet away. Imagine that. Well, I sort of fibbed to him and told him I had to turn around and that's why I was late, so we could go to a later show.

He had already purchased the tickets...

I'm a biatch.

So, we chatted at the mall for a few, then headed to the movies. While we were chatting he said, "Did you pull up at the movies then leave?" Do you know that in that moment I feel like a total ASS! I told him yes, but thankfully I live so close that I really could leave and be back within 10 minutes to the mall or the movie theater. He had seen me. Thank God he was understanding.

After the movies we went to the park for awhile. Oh, and by the way, he told me I looked very nice. I even think he may have been a little nervous. I really enjoyed myself, a lot.

If my bingeing and freaking out isn't enough, after he asked me out for a second date, I decided I would call it off. I decided that I have too many issues. He wasn't happy about it, but he understood. I just have this fear of getting too close to someone else and having to share all of my struggles. I know I don't need to bombard anyone with those problems when I first meet them, but I do have serious issues when it comes to men and food. I'm not sure he'd understand. After conversing with him again, I know that he would.

I don't know what will happen with the two of us, but I do know that I am a work in progress. I still have issues that need to be dealt with, so I plan to do that. There will be no.more.bingeing. I will communicate with this man and be honest with him. That's all I can do. Hopefully, if nothing else, I will learn a lesson from all of this, which I believe I already have.

Weigh-In Day

2011-06-10T08:35:00.002-05:00

I want to first start off by thanking all of you for supportive comments. Blogging would not be as enjoyable if I were not experiencing this journey with all of you. So, again, thank you.

Today is weigh-in day and I am down 2.6lbs. I was hoping for a big loss, but with Chinese food twice this week and a binge, I will definitely take it!

Sorry for my lack of blogging and posting comments, but my classes this summer are kicking my tail! Only 5 weeks left in 3 three classes, so it's all good.

I hope you all have a great weekend! Mine is going to be rather busy (especially since someone may have a date tomorrow night (shh)). Talk to you soon!

...

2011-06-06T15:31:00.002-05:00

My ass needs to be smacked! (Hmm, I may even mean that literally.) I have been down and out since the last weigh-in and have been wondering what the fuck I'm doing wrong. I've been eating too much shit, that's what I'm doing wrong. I did not make it to my goal of losing 45lbs by my birthday (big surprise there), but I am back on track for the 1,000th time and plan to shed these fucking 10lbs if it drains the life out of me. I have been watching my calories for the most part, but apparently it's not working. Any suggestions? I work out a lot, so I don't think exercise is the issue.

Anyhow, I have an extremely busy week with school, so I won't be posting much. Have a great week, all!

Weigh-In Day

2011-06-03T11:21:00.001-05:00

I worked hard this week and lost nothing. No gain, so that's a plus. I will expect a substantial loss next week.

Have a great weekend, all! I'll be super busy. Plus, Sunday's my birthday.

Bitch, Please...

2011-06-02T21:14:00.003-05:00

I do Zumba 4-5 times a week, twice a week at one place and 2-3 times at another. My knee was bothering me this evening (mind you I had already done a Zumba class this morning), but I attended another class this evening, anyhow. Well, there was this lady there whom I'd never seen before who apparently wanted to give me some tips on tightening up my abs. Fine, but that's not a priority right now. I believe she thought I didn't know how to workout properly since my knee was bothering me and I wasn't going full force. Then, she proceeded to tell me that she was 200lbs when she had her daughter and she had lost a lot of weight. Now, this woman is probably 5'3 and 160-170lbs. Thin? No. She felt it necessary to tell me how hard it is to lose weight, but it can be done. Did I ask this woman for her advice? Hell no! Did I find it rather insulting? Fuck Yes. If I want tips, bitch, I'll ask. Thanks.

A Healthy Summer

2011-05-31T14:13:00.003-05:00

My 8 year old has expressed to me that she would like to lose 10lbs, and normally I would freak out if a young child said this, but quite honestly, she could stand to. She has become very self conscious about her little tummy and would like to wear little half tops that her friends at dance wear, but she can't because it doesn't look appropriate on her. My kid has also expressed that she would like me to help her make healthier choices when it comes to food. This had me up ALL NIGHT LONG.

You see, so many kids can eat whatever and whenever they want and do not gain a pound. Unfortunately, my kid did not get those genes. She is built like her father and I; she has his height and definition, but my flab. I don't allow her to eat whatever and whenever she wants, but I also don't encourage her to make healthy choices. My mother does not encourage it, either. Nanny will let her have Big Macs and Quarterpounders, because she's not mom. That stops now.

This summer, my daughter and I are going to work together to make better food choices. I will prepare her lunches for school, and she will eat what I cook. Nanny will no longer be allowed to frequent McDonald's after dance class with the kid.

As far as exercise is concerned, the kid dances 3 hours a week and attends cheerleading and Zumba with me regularly, so exercise is covered. We also go to the park whenever it's nice out and walk on the trail. Not to mention the fact that we ride bikes, play ball, fly kites, etc.

I am determined to make better choices for my sake and my daughter's. Wish us luck.

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T17:19:00.004-05:00

I would like to start by thanking all of the men and women who serve this country. I can only imagine the sacrifices that have been made in order to protect our country.

We were supposed to have my brother and his family over for a bbq this afternoon. He called 30 minutes past the time they were to be here to say that they would not be attending. That left us with a shit ton of cooked food and one brokenhearted little girl. My daughter had bought a new outfit to show off to everyone that was a representation of Memorial day. She was also looking forward to playing with my niece whom she loves dearly. Luckily the kid had her cousins over for a sleepover on Saturday, so she got to spend some time with them. I am not going to get into a rant about my brother; that's for another day. Needless to say, I am full as hell and will be attending Zumba tonight. Hope you all enjoyed your Memorial weekend!

May

2011-05-28T14:55:00.000-05:00

Last May I graduated at 292lbs. This May I am at 255lbs. I feel so much better!

Weigh-In Day!

2011-05-27T09:19:00.003-05:00

I have several papers to write today, so this will be a quick post. I am down 2.6lbs this week and I feel great!

I ran into an old acquaintance at Target yesterday who asked if I had lost weight. I was so surprised by her question due to the fact that I had on large/bulky workout pants that were nowhere near flattering on me. That gave me a confidence booster you wouldn't believe!

Anyhow, I have updated a weight loss pic on my sidebar, so have a look! Enjoy your weekend, all!

Comments!

2011-05-26T20:23:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Dawnya, I can now post. For those of you who don't know, unclick the box that says, "stay signed in" when you sign in to google. Hope that helps!

Comments!

2011-05-26T12:53:00.002-05:00

Am I PISSED that I cannot comment on anyone's blog due to a blogger error? Yes!

Her Life Expo

2011-05-25T17:17:00.002-05:00

There is a lady near me who used to wax my eyebrows many years ago who works about 45 minutes from where I currently live. She charged a lot, but it was worth every penny. Anyhow, she told me years ago she was going to start doing permanent makeup. Since I am losing hair all over my body, I thought I would giver her call. I'm glad I did.

I found out through the salon she works for that she is no longer practicing permanent makeup. The salon did, however, refer me to a lady they refer lots of their clients to. I called the woman and she gave me so much hope.

This woman not only explained what she does, but that the doctor she works for focuses primarily on hair loss! I couldn't believe it! The woman sounded extremely knowledgeable. She knew that Black people have sensitive skin, how their skin ages, etc. Most importantly, she understood what it was like for patients who have lost, or are losing, their hair. I broke down. With this hair loss, no one around me understands what I am going through. They do not know what to say or how to console me. The lady I spoke to gave me so much hope. She told me she even makes wigs and that I should come and meet her at an expo next weekend so we can visit.

I am stoked. Having permanent makeup is costly, and seeing a doctor is, too, but again, she gave me hope. She left me feeling like there are people out there who do understand what I am going through. She told me that bald is beautiful. She also told me that I was put into the right hands. I have God to thank for that.

Going through this is process is changing my life. It is making me become a better person. Those of you who have read my blog for a while, realize I have wanted to change my attitude for a LONG time. Since I couldn't do it, God is doing it for me.

Losing my hair has made it hard to focus on weight loss, but I am doing it. I know I can do anything if I keep the right attitude, keep God first, and treat others how I want to be treated. I have my health and my family, so this woman knows she is truly, truly blessed!

Random Thoughts

2011-05-25T09:07:00.006-05:00

I desperately want to move out of the state of Missouri. I am so sick of living in the Midwest. I'm not sure where I want to move, though. Perhaps I just need to start with a vacation. I have not left this state since I was 22 years old, right before my daughter was born. I would LOVE to take my daughter somewhere, but you have to understand, she has no siblings, no father, and she bores easily, so I would rather not waste my money for the time being. I wish I had a friend to go and visit that had children, too, or just some excuse to get the hell out of here! I have a friend in NY who has invited me repeatedly to come visit, but I just can't fathom spending the money; guilt sets in and I start thinking of other ways I could be spending the money. Plus, I'm not certain I could handle all of the walking that occurs in the city. My friend is in great shape; me, not so much, but I can't explain that to her. She will never understand, even though I have opened up to her about my weight and she is very supportive. In a way, I'm letting fear hold me back, plus guilt if I don't take the kid. New York is one of those places where you really need to go and spend more than 2 days, and I really don't have a lot of time I can take away from the kid. I thought about going back to Chicago because I loved it when I went a decade ago! I just don't know anyone or anything to do there on my own. When I went, it was for a skincare convention and the gal I went with had lived in Chicago for many years.

I am not going to make my 45lb loss by my birthday next weekend. I'm okay with that because I have stuck with this thing!

Here I go on my "being single" rant...At the end of the day, it would be so nice to feel safe. I have never known that feeling, especially since becoming a mother. I have no adult to talk to (my ma would much rather be reading than talking), and it can be a very lonely place. I know many people are satisfied with being single, and trust me, I would much rather be single than in a fucked up relationship. I just wonder how long it is going to be before God places me with that perfect person for me. My nights are becoming lonelier. I'm going through some tough times and I would love for someone (other than my beautiful daughter) to tell me that everything is going to be fine. That I am going to be okay, and that shit could be much worse. I don't have that, never have. The other day, this little girl (5 years old) was asking me tons of questions about being single and why Arianna's father and I weren't together. She then asked if I was looking for a new father for Arianna. Arianna's response was "We're trying." I didn't know she felt that way. Sometimes, I feel like she feels lonely, too. This is why, people, you do not have children out of wedlock! Now, don't get me wrong, you can still have children and be single, but when you choose to have a child when you're single, there are no expectations of having 2 parents. The child should realize that they were born out of love. When you have a child and one parent disappears, it leaves the child with many unanswered questions. There was no commitment between Arianna's father and I. And, yes, people can vanish even if they're married, but it is less likely to happen then if you are single. I don't know. Maybe God is building up my strength for some reason. Who knows?

*******************************************

Oh, and another thing, I can't freakin' post comments on anyone's blog because blogger is signing me in as anonymous and the comments won't post! Argh!

Anyhow, those are my thoughts as of late. Have a great day, all!

Weigh-In Day!

2011-05-20T09:14:00.001-05:00

I really don't have much to say other than I am down 2lbs this week and it makes me happy.

Oh, I'm exhausted and need to finish writing a paper. There's nothing like trying to write a professional paper while I'm sleepy. When this happens, usually by the end of the paper, it hasn't made much sense. Oh well, don't care.

Have a great weekend, all!

Blog Award!

2011-05-18T11:18:00.002-05:00

Thank you, Miesha, for awarding me The Adorable Blog Award!

The rules of the award:

* Thank the person who gave you this award, and link back to them in your post.
* Tell us 10 things about yourself.
* Nominate your bloggers.
* Contact these bloggers, and let them know they received this award.

1. My daughter sleeps with me.
2. I love having my feet tickled.
3. I love to swim.
4. I rarely make my bed.
5. I am obsessed with shopping.
6. I love Wal-Mart!
7. I can't let anyone else wash my dishes.
8. I have extremely low patience with adults.
9. I have been putting off substituting.
10. I hate spending money on things I need.

Now, the bloggers I have nominated are:

1. Curvy Diva
2. Miss Haneefa
3. Chrissy
4. Trisha
5. Grace

Enjoy your day, all!

My Lazy Ass...

2011-05-17T11:02:00.003-05:00

has only lost a little over 4lbs in the last 4 weeks! Have I been food journaling? Have I been eating fruits and vegetables daily? Have I been cooking most of my meals? No.

Do I eat whatever I want? Do I exercise only 3 times a week? Do I sit my ass on this computer most of the time? Have I been eating out too often? Yes.

My ass needs to pull it together. While I'm still losing, it is not nearly enough. I know this about making healthy choices, so I need to start doing so. This is not a plateau, this is pure laziness.

Enjoy your day, all!

Yesterday's Post

2011-05-15T11:45:00.004-05:00

I realized today that yesterday's post made no sense towards the end. I apologize for that. I heard my friend walking through my front door and into my bedroom, so I published the post before she would notice I was working on a blog, or that I was writing about her.

I would like to thank Miss Haneefa and Drazil for their uplifting comments today. Thank you, ladies!

I explained to my daughter what was happening today, and what could potentially happen to me with my hair loss over time. She was sad for a minute, but I explained to her that I am not sick, and that is all that matters. I was putting off telling her because the last thing I want to do is worry her. It was time to tell her so she won't be as surprised when I have no eyelashes, and possibly no hair. She asked if I would wear a wig, and my response was, "No, that's not who I am. I am not comfortable wearing hair pieces and no one should ever have to hide who they are. I love who I am."

My daughter and I are doing Zumba together today! I swear, she is my best bud! I would be lost without her. She makes every day an absolute blast!

My Day

2011-05-14T19:00:00.002-05:00

Today has not been the best day. My eyelashes keep coming out. I can't explain how this makes me feel. I wonder why this is happening to me, but I try to remain happy because in all of this, I am still healthy enough to see me daughter every single day. I could not imagine not having my health and being unable to participate in her life. I am thankful.

I told my friend I didn't really feel like going (same friend who never listens to me...ever) because of my eyelashes, and her response was "I understand." Not how are you? Do you need to talk (since you consoled me for months when my man who beat me in front of my daughter, who is now moving back in)? Nothing. The same "friend I am going to the movies with tonight who keeps telling me how great her hair looks since she just got it done. Thanks for the hair talk, friend. Why is she in my life?

Anyhow, here's a pic of me before the movie.

Weigh-In Day!

2011-05-13T12:42:00.004-05:00

Last night I cooked something new for dinner:

Grilled catfish and carrots

And a delicious salad with feta cheese

It was awesome!

Today is weigh-in day and I am down .6lbs! I'll take it. I really should start working harder, though. I mean, my birthday is less than a month away and I clearly have not lost the 45lbs I set out to lose. Oh well, I refuse to give up! This is a new lifestyle for me, and it's working!

Thank You!!

2011-05-12T12:32:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank all of you who have followed me on my journey and have given me encouraging words along the way! I would not be as inspired to document my journey if had not been for all of you, so thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Feeling Better

2011-05-10T10:46:00.002-05:00

There is only one person I feel truly comfortable talking about my problems with, so I e-mailed him yesterday, and it made me feel so much better. I have never in my life known a man as understanding, thoughtful, and trustworthy as him. I am truly blessed to have met him. Now, I am comfortable expressing my feelings to my mother, but I never want to worry her; I just can't. So it's nice to know I can just pick up the phone and contact this person because he is always willing to listen.

So, today I am feeling better! I went to a Zumba class that kicked my ass! She worked us out, and it was hot as hell in that gym! I feel better, though!

Enjoy your day, all!

Stressing

2011-05-09T14:46:00.003-05:00

I must admit that over the last few days I have been stressing about my hair loss and how to deal with it. I never in a million years thought that this would be affecting me at 31 years old, but it is, and I am going to have to learn to live with it. Somehow, this seems to be taking precedence over my health. Go figure.

So, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and hopefully he can refer me to a different Dermatologist. I would like a second opinion, plus I have heard there could possibly be treatments to 'slow' the progression of the hair loss. We'll see. One thing is certain, treatment is not likely to help, but I do not believe I have the type of hair loss that will overtake my entire scalp. If it does, I'm okay with it. As I said previously, my hair does not define me as a person, and I have quite honestly wanted to shave it for several years now. You have no idea how long I have felt this way. I HATE dealing with my hair. I am blessed to have LOTS of it, but it is work!

With that said, calorie counting has taken a back seat. I am not making any excuses, it just has. I am ready to focus. I am almost certain to live longer if I live a healthy life, so that should remain my primary focus. Everything else will fall into place!

Subtle Changes

2011-05-06T15:16:00.003-05:00

So, I was looking through some pics of my sister and I from last November, and I think I can see some subtle changes in my face. What do you all think?

November 2010:

May 2011:

Weigh-In Day!

2011-05-06T09:25:00.006-05:00

Boy, the last 7 days have not been great regarding my food choices. Last Friday and Saturday I ate out, and Tuesday and Thursday were "food" days at school. Fearing a dreadful weigh-in, I opted to leave school early yesterday and skip out on the pizza. I planned my breakfast and lunch meals accordingly, however, I found out we wouldn't be eating until 7:30, so I left and purchased a taco salad from Taco Bell. I felt bad because half the class was gone and two of us left early. My professor had ordered 10 pizzas and there were only 10 people in class. Oh well, unfortunately I had to do what was best for me.

So, I am down 1lb. I'll take it considering all else said.

Have I mentioned that while I am losing weight, I am also losing my hair? I finally went to see a Dermatologist a month ago, and yep, I have Scarring Alopecia. He said it wouldn't spread, but it is. I have to brace myself for what's to come. It has been stressing me out! I suppose if it gets to the point where I can no longer cover up the bald spots, (yes, bald spots) then it's off with my hair. sad.sad.sad. But, I've always been complimented on my hair by men and always felt like responding with "My hair DOES NOT define me." And it does not.

Anyhow, I hope you all have a great weekend and a wonderful Mother's Day!

Goals!

2011-05-04T18:53:00.003-05:00

My birthday is quickly approaching and I still have 16lbs to lose before meeting my first goal. While it is a little unrealistic to give ones self a time limit as to how much and how quickly one loses weight, I felt that 5 months was more than enough time to have shed 45lbs. So, I need to set some goals for myself, because homegirl has not been eating as good as she should be!

Goals:

1. Do not eat past 7pm
2. Eat at least 2 servings of fruit a day
3. Eat at least 2 servings of veggies a day
4. Work out at least 3 times a week
5. Drink plenty of water (never a prob)

I think these goals are doable. What's 15lbs? I can do this.

Fears

2011-05-01T12:44:00.002-05:00

As I have been shedding the pounds, I have noticed more people noticing me (which is nice) and it makes me realize that over the last decade or so, I have not wanted to be noticed. It's sort of a cliche, because what I want most in life is to have a family, my own family. A hub, kids, and possibly a pet. I want my own home and a huge backyard for my kids to play in, but how can I attain those things if I remain unnoticed.

I guess my biggest fear is that I WILL attain those things and I am not certain I actually deserve those things. Interesting, I know. What would I do with a husband? I have been single for most of my adulthood. I feel like I would be compromising my independence if I settle down with someone. What if I chose the wrong husband? I would never in life be able to forgive myself, only because I have a daughter who depends on me and the choices I make influence her tremendously.

Oh gosh. I hope I am able to put those fears to rest. I do not want them to hinder my weight loss goals. I am still very determined to get healthy, but I do not want my fears to get in the way.

Weigh-In Day!

2011-04-29T09:07:00.003-05:00

Wow! I have been incredibly busy over the last week! Easter weekend was a blast. My sister came home from school and stayed with us. It was nice having her here. My daughter was completely attached to her the entire weekend.

Needless to say, the weekend ended with my daughter in tears over the fact that her aunt had to return to school. She quickly got over it once she went to sleep.

I did all of the cooking for Easter dinner and it turned out great! The ham was delicious! Mind you, I am not a good cook. I knew it was good when my kid ate everything on her plate except the deviled eggs; she is not a fan of any type of egg.

I have been so busy with school, as well. The semester ends in two weeks, so that will be awesome. This summer is going to be fairly hectic, though, since I am taking 4 classes, 12 hours. Six hours is considered full-time during a summer semester, so we'll see how that goes. I must say, I have thoroughly enjoyed all of my education courses thus far, and I can't wait to begin student teaching. I have worked so hard for this!

Anyhow, my mother is having surgery today to have a hernia removed that was caused by her stomach wall/muscles being ruptured from coughing, due to her COPD. Smoking is NOT healthy, folks!

Oh! Weigh-In...I'm down 2lbs! I need to make healthier choices, though, when it comes to my snacks. I'll talk more about that later...I'm off to the hospital!

Weigh-In Day

2011-04-22T20:08:00.002-05:00

I've been out shopping with my daughter all day and we have had a blast! She got a new outfit to add to her summer wardrobe, along with some sneakers, and I purchased a pair of jeans that actually fit! We have really enjoyed the day. We started off at her doctor's office, then headed to the mall. We did a great deal of window shopping and just trying a bunch of shoes on. I love her.

Weigh-in was today and I'm the same, 263.2. That's it! Sis is here!

Weekend Reflection

2011-04-19T11:02:00.003-05:00

My daughter's slumber party went really well. She had a freakin' blast! She had 7 friends over and 6 of them spent the night. They played outside, played games, ate dinner, had cake, opened presents, and watched movies. I was pooped. My back hurt, shoulders hurt, legs hurt, etc. I ate one slice of pizza, a huge salad, and some little wienies...way too many! I did not have any cake until Saturday. I had one slice, but I also had a can of Sprite! What! Yes, I have not had a sugary soda since January! I also had a piece of cake yesterday and ate at On the Border. Eating was not stellar last weekend. I'm back on track, though, and it feels really good to say that. In the past, one slip-up meant screw it, I can't do it! I know I can, and it's a great feeling. I do not beat myself up over my poor choices. This is a long process, and over time, I'm hoping it will get easier to make the right choices when it comes to food. Slow and steady wins the race.

Anyhow, I'm off to class soon! Enjoy your day, all!

Weigh-In Day!

2011-04-15T10:30:00.002-05:00

My daughter's birthday is this weekend and she is having a slumber party. Slumber parties are a lot of work! You have to clean the house, provide games, provide dinner, and decorate. I tried to convince her to have the party at a bowling party or her dance studio, but no, she wanted her friends to sleep over. Luckily, many of her friends are unable to sleep over due to church on Sunday morning. I tried to have the party on Friday, sent out invitations, then realized she has dance rehearsal from 9-5 Saturday, so Friday was not an option. I had to purchase more invitations and send those out with the corrections. Now, I would have postponed her sleepover until next weekend, but it's Easter weekend, no school on Friday or Monday, so I figured most of her friends would be unable to attend. I would have had it last weekend, except I had a class all weekend. The weekend after Easter, my mother is having surgery (for her hernia)and that weekend wouldn't work. Go figure. So, tomorrow is going to be an extremely busy day for both the kid and I.

Weigh-in day is today and I am at 263.2! Wo, I'll take it! I'm down 9.4lbs, although I will attribute most of that to my meds. My body has adjusted, though, and I've been keeping on track.

Well, that's it for me! Enjoy your weekend, all!

2011-04-14T11:44:00.002-05:00

I have not sneaked into the candy in 3 days and I feel so much better! Isn't it amazing how much better one feels when they eat better? I love how that works. And, while I love candy, I love cake even more (GASP, for some of you reading), but I will only eat a small piece if any at my daughter's birthday party, if any. Yes, we are having a cake. Just like I did when I was younger, and my healthy, athletic brothers, as well.

Can I vent for a minute? Yes, this is my blog. Some people are so judgmental! If I choose to do something for myself, or my kid, that is my decision. You may have your opinion about whatever it is you wish, and I'll respect it, but do not tell me how to raise my child...ever.

It has taken some people upwards of 50 years (yes, you know who you are) to learn to eat better. But just because it has been a long ass process for you, and you claim to have figured it all out now, does not give you the right to tell others what and how to eat. To each his own.

I hate posting nasty, negative shit about another blogger on my blog. In fact, I don't think I ever have. Hopefully, this will not occur again.

On a delightful note, I'm feeling' good and lookin' good. Weigh-in is tomorrow!

Back on Track

2011-04-13T09:26:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I did not exceed 1600 calories. And, I ate lots of veggies and 2 servings of fruit! I am so proud of myself, and I felt great!

For lunch I opted for a salad (which I rarely eat) and cottage cheese:

It looks as though there is a lot of salad dressing on the salad, but it's primarily the mushrooms causing that look.

I love this combination:

I had a well-balanced breakfast and dinner, as well. Oh, and plenty of water!

My body is adjusting to the new meds (hence, a 3lb gain), but I'm ok with that. Making healthy choices is the name of this game!

Pull Yourself Together!

2011-04-12T11:05:00.002-05:00

Well, it's party time again for my kid, and we all know what that means...candy. I have eaten an entire bag of her freakin' Laffy Taffies! I have eaten junk, junk, and more junk for the last week and a half. I'm going to blame it on the stinkin' 4lbs I gained last week. My mind just said "f*%k it!" That all stops today.

On the flip side, I was down to 267 this morning and I refuse to take the credit for it. My doctor switched my blood pressure meds last week, so I will attribute my loss to that since my medication is partially made up of a diuretic. After 3 or 4 days, though, my body will adjust, which will probably result in a gain, and not too much of a gain if I quit eating shit I shouldn't be eating.

I made it to Zumba today, so that's a plus. I WILL NOT EAT any candy today. I will stick to my calorie range. I will cook a healthy dinner. I will get back.on.track.

Weigh-In Day : (

2011-04-08T10:07:00.002-05:00

Today I'm at 272.6lbs. That's awful, and it's a 4.4lb gain. I did go on a bit of a binge twice this past week, so the scale is certainly reflecting that. Also, today marks the second day I've been to the gym this week. While I am disappointed in myself for gaining 4lbs, I am feeling so much better physically, and I am ready to get back to my normal routine.

There was something I noticed about myself the other day. I have been drinking plenty of fluids; however, I have not been using the restroom very often, which makes me wonder if I am retaining fluid for some reason or another. I don't really know too much about water retention, but I should be using the restroom a lot more often than I have been.

Anyhow, I hope next week is much different than this week with the weigh-in. Have a great weekend, all!

Snacks

2011-04-06T13:46:00.002-05:00

I know good and damn well that I need to quit snacking on my daughter's launch items. While I'm staying within my calorie range (1600-1800), I am still eating way too many snacks. I haven't made it to the gym this week, which makes it even worse. I haven't been to the gym because of my throat/neck; I have been in too much pain! When I went to Zumba last Thursday, the workout made everything worse, so it was best to rest this past Tuesday. I finally started feeling better yesterday, so I am off to Zumba tomorrow.

Anyhow, I went to the grocery store to buy plenty of fruit to snack on, so that should help. Weigh-in may not be pretty, but I am back on track!

Work to Do!

2011-04-05T09:23:00.005-05:00

Here's a full-body picture I asked my mother to take the other day:

Now, let me explain. My pants no longer fit the same, so, I'm thinking I need to find some different bottoms that are a little more form fitting in order to see any progress. As we can all clearly see, I still have a lot of WORK to do! One day at a time.

I have got to get a social life. I have very few friends (none that I hang out with) and I'm growing rather bored. I often wonder how nice it would be to actually have a close friend, or better yet, a significant other. Those of you who have read this blog know that I am ready to meet someone (not just anyone), but God knows I am not completely ready yet. I'm not a great at socializing; I used to be, but that all changed with the huge weight gain. I'm hoping that as I go along, I will be willing to put myself out there more, with both men and women. Besides, who couldn't use a friend, right?

********************************************************
Okay, this is a little better:

Please disregard the hair, shoes, and white bra!

Weigh-In Day

2011-04-01T09:24:00.002-05:00

I am down 2lbs. from last week! Yay!

I have not been feeling well this week because of my stupid ass sore throat issue again. I am so sick of going to the doctor for my throat! I had my tonsils removed 2 years ago so these issues would cease. Oh well, life could be much, much worse.

My eating has not been stellar, but I haven't gone over 1600-1800 calories a day, so it's working. Anyhow, that's all for now. I'm off to the doc!

Cravings

2011-03-28T10:59:00.002-05:00

I have been participating in the 7 Day Chip, and was doing really well until Saturday; it was a total failure, and I was on Day 7. I had a PE class all weekend long, so I ate dinner before I left the house Friday, took my breakfast/snack Saturday, had Subway for lunch, got home that evening and ate Subway again! And not a low-fat sandwich this time, I had a BMT with lots of mayo, which would have kept me in my caloric range until I added a few Pringles and Little Debbie's to the menu. Oh, and I had a juice. I was over my daily range by about 600 calories. However, I did get back on track Sunday. I was craving the salt from the BMT and the sugar from the Little Debbie's. I felt I had to have it. I guess I forgot to mention the cookie I ate from Subway, too. Ya, Saturday was not a healthy food day.

I hope to stay on track this week and make it out of the 270's. We shall see!

Weigh-In Day!

2011-03-25T12:56:00.001-05:00

I am down 4.2lbs, which is awesome! Some days I find it's hard to get in all of my calories for the day, which is awesome, too! I'm hoping next week I can say bye-bye to the 270's! We'll see! Enjoy your weekend, all! I have a busy one!!

Wake-Up Calls

2011-03-23T10:30:00.004-05:00

I am a true believer in God and Jesus Christ. Although I do not worship regularly, I am a firm believer that they are watching over me. With that said, I have had some terrible vices in the past (and present...unhealthy food) and I always get a wake-up call from my "higher beings" that my addictions are harmful to my body. For instance, my mother has pretty much always been a smoker, so naturally, I picked up the nasty habit at around 18. I smoked off and on for nearly 10 years. Now I have never smoked more than 10 or so menthol cigs a day, but I did smoke, and I felt terrible when doing so. I just knew my body wasn't reacting well.

Well, my very dear friend was practically on her deathbed from cancer and flew home from NY to start her chemotherapy. She asked me if I would attend one session with her and I happily agreed. Usually her mother would accompany her, so I was shocked she asked me to attend. I had a final exam the same evening, so I was going to attend the session, rush home and finish my at-home final, then head to class. That is not what happened.

I woke up that morning, took my shower, did my hair, and fired up a cigarette. Half way through the cigarette my throat started KILLING me! I sucked it up and went to pick up my friend and headed to the rehabilitation facility. Once we were there, my throat was nearly unbearable. My friend started to ask me if I was going to be okay. I felt terrible that she had to comfort me!

Anyhow, I wound up leaving her at the session because it was taking longer than usual and I had to finish my final. I headed home, throat still burning, finished my paper, and headed back to pick up my friend. At that point, I knew something was terribly wrong, but I had to go to class to turn the stupid paper in.

I got to class, turned the paper in and was instructed to watch a film and write a paper over it that would be worth 40 points. I couldn't believe it! I had to get to the hospital at that point because I was going downhill...fast. I told my professor about my situation and she agreed to let me leave (thank God!) I headed to the hospital and the young-ass doctor of course said it was nothing. So, I headed home and continued to get worse.

By the time I woke up in the morning, I couldn't swallow or turn my head because my neck was now affected by my throat. I had to use a spit cup because I couldn't swallow my saliva. I went to see my regular doctor who referred me to an ENT. My mother had to leave school to come pick me up and drive me to the house, which was around the corner from the doctor's office, because I couldn't move anything from the shoulders up.

I went to see the ENT. He informed me that I had an abscessed tonsil and I should take prednisone. Okay, I did. At 2am, I couldn't breathe. I had to get my 4 year old up and dressed, grab my mother, and head to the hospital. The triage nurse (I don't know how some medical professionals get their degrees) said I was breathing fine. The RN looked at my throat and decided I needed to be seen ASAP. So, I was taken back and instantly hooked up to all kinds of meds including morphine. My daughter and mother were called back and I told them I was going to be admitted to the hospital. I was admitted for 3 days! My daughter of course was hysterical, so I had to calm her down and reassure her that I was ok.

Now, the nurse later told me she thought she was going to have to intubate me because my tonsils were so swollen!! Goodness gracious! Needless to say, the swelling went down after 3 days and I was released.

I HAVE NOT TOUCHED A CIGARETTE SINCE. It's been 3 years this month. LESSON LEARNED!

This is only one example of what my "wake-up calls" are like. I am learning, especially as I get older, that I need to LISTEN to my body; if I don't, someone, or something, will intervene. My high blood pressure and blocked ventricle is another result of not listening to my body.

I am now.

Oh, my mother got her second or third wake-up call and hasn't touched a cigarette in 2 years! I am so proud of her!

Spring Break

2011-03-20T16:02:00.010-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, my daughter, mother, and I stayed at a hotel for a couple of days during spring break. We really enjoyed ourselves, and even though we were only minutes away from the house, it was still nice to get away and relax. My daughter loves swimming, so naturally, we did a lot of it! I took some pics so you all could see where we stayed.

When we first arrived, not only did I have to roll up the luggage, but I had to roll up my kid, too:

This was the lounge where we ate:

This was my mother and daughter at dinner:

Obviously my daughter had to bring her Valentine's Dog:

This is the pool where we did our swimming:

And where I did most of my relaxing:

We tried to go to the St. Patrick's Day Parade; however, the crowds did not allow us to find any parking. I actually ran into a lady who tried to take her boys to the parade, as well, and she could not find a place to park, either. It was so nice out and my kid had never been to a parade. It would have been great if she would have gotten to see the best one of the year. They also mentioned on the radio that it was supposed to be the best one ever due to all the entries. Oh well, maybe next year. This was the extent of our celebration:

That's it! That's where we stayed! Now, onto something new.

I'm trying the #7DayChip, and today is day 1. I'm not used to Twitter, so we'll see how it goes. So far, I think I'm doing things correctly. Do any of you tweet? If so, should you be able to see the replies to any of the posts of the person you're following? I tweeted something earlier and someone replied; however, I do not know how she saw my tweet. Anyhow, I guess I'll figure it all out as I go. Have a good week, all!

Weigh-In Day...

2011-03-18T21:12:00.004-05:00

Is not happening. My daughter, mother, and I spent the last two days at a nearby hotel for spring break, and well, I made some not-so-good choices food wise. I'm going to post more on the hotel stay later.

I did, however, have a dr.'s appointment this afternoon and the blood pressure is still up. I have not taken my medication in 3 days, so that may be playing a huge role in the number. I had to rescheducle the appointment because my doctor was taking too long and I had to get my kiddo to her sister's birthday party, which she enjoyed very much. Oh, I was down 15lbs according to the doc's scale, so I'm fine with that!

Anyhow, that's all for now. Enjoy your weekend, all!

Oh! Weigh-in is not happening because I always weigh first thing in the morning and I didn't make it home until late this afternoon. I will definitely weigh in next week!

Dinner

2011-03-14T18:37:00.003-05:00

Tonight we had my favorite meal: tacos. I love them! Instead of using my regular cheese, I opted to use Kraft's Fat-Free Mozzarella. I couldn't even tell a difference! As usual, I use a whole-grain tortilla and ground turkey. They were excellent!

Health Education

2011-03-14T10:47:00.003-05:00

Many people believe that health education should be a larger area of study in schools. I don't; however, necessarily agree. Schools can only provide so much education throughout a day, and parents and guardians should be responsible for teaching their children how to eat properly. Don't get me wrong, PE should still be a requirement, and possibly even an additional health education class, but why should schools make it a daily routine? I mean, we don't spend every day talking about the ramifications of smoking and drinking. Most of us realize what food can do to the body, just like smoking, yet we abuse it anyhow. I mean, if we're going to talk about proper nutrition, we may as well talk about "everything" that causes harm to the body, not just food. Additionally, I am not saying that schools should make these classes optional, because I do believe children need to be educated on proper nutrition; I'm just saying that schools should not necessarily be the place where children "learn how to eat". It starts at home.

With that said. My new meal for last night was oven-fried chicken with parmesan.

Delicious!

Cooking

2011-03-13T13:58:00.007-05:00

So, I have been cooking a lot lately, and some meals are great, others, not so great. The first new dish I tried last Friday evening was a noodle-less lasagna made with cornmeal. I would not recommend this dish to anyone. While the top layer was great, the rest was a mushy mess.

Here's a pic before baking:

Here's a pic afterwards:

Yesterday, I made some shrimp stir-fry with steamed rice. It was magnificent!

After plating:

And while every meal has not been a success, it has been a great bonding experience for the kid and I!

2011-03-12T14:27:00.003-06:00

Yesterday my daughter was invited to attend one of her favorite cousin's birthday party on her father's side. She was so excited at the thought of possibly getting a chance to see her father. I had to remind her that he is "unavailable" most of the time, so she shouldn't get her hopes up. She was also excited at the idea of her sister possibly being there. Again, I had to remind her that her sister may or may not be there. Thankfully, she was.

Now, I have tried to contact my daughter's sister's mother for many years now, because the girls love each other; however, their father is brainless, and likes to play games. I truly believe he convinced his other daughter's mother not to speak to me, and only because he would constantly go back-and-forth between her and me for the first several years my daughter was born. Mind you, I used to date my daughter's father when his oldest daughter was an infant and the mother of his oldest knew about me; I thought they were over. They were never in a relationship to begin with.

Anyhow, after 7, nearly 8 years, my daughter's sister's mother finally contacted me and thought it would be a great idea if we got the girls together. No, really?? That is her sister, dumbass. So, I of course agreed and met her for the first time last night. Her daughter was attending the same birthday party, so it gave us a chance to formally meet. She must be over our daughters' father's stupid ass. (It took her a while, clearly.)

The girls were so excited to see each other. They are 4 years apart and my daughter's sister LOVES having a "little sissy". Needless to say, Arthur wasn't there to see his children (big surprise there), but they had a blast! I am so thankful my daughter's aunt invited my kid over to her house!

My 100th Post/Weigh-In/Rewards

2011-03-11T14:23:00.008-06:00

I am so excited! After 2 years, I am finally able to say that this is my 100th post! Yay, me!

This week I have been really busy with school, doctor's appointments, and workouts, so I haven't posted much. I would like to report that I have finally lost my first 15lbs! Yep, that's right, 7 weeks and I finally did it. I lost .8lbs for the week, which is excellent given the fact I had a super-huge cinnamon roll at Corner Cafe last Friday and a Mega-Meal preceding the dessert. I spent all week trying to recover from that feast! It will not happen again anytime soon, though! So, to reward myself for my 15lb. loss, I went shopping instead of getting a pedicure. This is what I purchased:

I have been looking for a purse exactly like this one for months. My sister has a red one that is very similar, and while I prefer red, this one is perfect for Spring.

And because I love shoes:

And because I buy most of my shoes in the same style and different color (a pair to match different outfits):

I purchased everything for $25! Not bad considering I would have spent the same amount on a pedicure.

On another note, I went to the Dermatologist today for a biopsy on my scalp (I've been experiencing a dry/itch scalp and some hair loss), and I will get the results back at the beginning of April. I can't wait for that.

Next week is spring break. Although I am certain I will not have a 15lb. loss, I'm okay with that. I tried and never gave up. Have a great weekend, all!

Blog Award!

2011-03-06T21:57:00.003-06:00

I must send a big shout out to Rejecting 300 for selecting me to receive a Versatile Blogger Award! Thank you so much!

The rules are to list 7 things about me other bloggers may not know and to select several other bloggers to receive the award, as well. The seven things about me include:

1. I snore occassionally
2. I love reality television
3. I am obsessed with shoes
4. I do not like writing
5. Chocolate makes me sick
6. I love hip hop music
7. I love baking

Now, the bloggers I have chosen to also receive the award are:

1. Blossom
2. Curvy Diva
3. Kazz
4. Shannie
5. Jo

Weigh-In

2011-03-04T10:05:00.002-06:00

I am down 3.8lbs this week! Some days are harder than others, but I am hangin' in there. Right now, I'm just happy to be out of those stinkin' 280's!

Busy!

2011-03-02T09:13:00.002-06:00

I spent last weekend about an hour away from my home at KU watching my little sister play in her basketball tournament, and it was nice getting to visit with her and watch her do what she enjoys doing. I stuck to my calories all weekend, too! I even dropped a few pounds, although I hadn't realized that the medication my doctor prescribed me for my blood pressure was half medication and half diuretic, which means I was frequenting the restroom quite a bit while I was out of town. My body seems to have adjusted now, and the weight loss has not been as rapid. I'm okay with that, though because I am still working out and still sticking to my calories. I did, however, go on a bit of a marshmallow binge the other night; I needed something sweet!

Anyhow, I have been busy with school work this week. I had a test yesterday, a presentation yesterday, and three papers to write and a movie review by tomorrow. Ugh! That's what I get for putting it off.

I obviously haven't set any goals for the week, but I'm still drinking plenty of water and working out. All I need to lose is another pound or two before I can treat myself to a pedicure, which is greatly needed before my daughter and I hit the pool in a few weeks!

That's it for me! Have a great day, all!

EKG

2011-02-25T16:34:00.003-06:00

So, I just returned from my doctor's appointment and I am surprised with all that happened. When the medical assistant first led me to the room and took my blood pressure, she mentioned it was a little high. When I asked what it was, this was her response, "Um, like, what did I just say it was?" That is the second time that has happened to me in that office in a week. I am a self-paying customer who is strictly here because of my bloodpressure, and I expect the professional who is taking it to remember it and be certain of the number! Geez!

Anyhow, I had the doctor take my blood pressure and he began asking me several questions relating to my heart, and it FREAKED ME OUT! He said it was a little high (but much lower than last week) and that he would simply diagnose it as elevated blood pressure, not hypertension. What a relief, right? After that conversation, he suggested an EKG because he could hear a snapping sound in my chest. Great, right? My doc mentioned that he thought I could have a bit of a block in my left ventricle that was causing the snapping noise. He was right. The EKG results indicated I have a bit of a block in my left ventricle and, of course, I must take medication to lower my bloodpressure. The good thing is that this can all be corrected over time and with the proper diet and exercise. Enough said.

On the way home, I kept asking myself why this is so hard for me to control (weight). Why is it so hard for me to prevent myself from stuffing my face with candybars, cakes, pizzas, chips, etc.? The very fact I know this kills people should be enough to just knock-it-off. The only answer I can come up with is that my inner is a reflection of my outter. I am slowly, very slowly, changing all of this bad behavior. I must believe in myself. There was a time when I felt great about myself. One bad, very bad breakup, and my life flipped upside down. I have allowed one person to keep me from being who I truly want to be and now it's time to let that go! I am good enough, I can do this, I deserve this, and in one year from now, my life will have changed. 2011 is my year!

Weigh-In Day!

2011-02-25T11:45:00.004-06:00

Who is down 3 pounds this week? I am! While 10.6lbs may not seem like much of a loss to some, I happen to think I have been doing great the past 4 weeks! 1800 calories seems to be just the right amount of calories for me to stick to on a daily basis, as it is pretty much just portion control and no excessive snacking. Hitting the gym 3 days a week appears to be just enough for now, too. I have 4.4lbs to go until I get my pedi, and 12lbs to go until spring break! I know I can do it!

This weekend my sis will be in town for a basketball tournament. She happens to be a sports fanatic. Me, not so much, but I will enjoy visiting with her and watching her play.

Well, that's all for me! Enjoy your weekend, all!

2011-02-24T10:50:00.003-06:00

Wow! It just occurred to me that I haven't posted anything at all this week! Well, let's see...I stuck to 3 of my 5 goals from last week: water, gym, and Zumba, but the candy and cookie dough thing was a failure. And to top it all off, I baked the cookies on the wrong damn day! They were supposed to have been at my daughter's school on Tuesday, but I had her take them on Wednesday! Next year will be different.

I am really enjoying the Zumba classes; they are a blast! There are only 3 of us taking the class, so I am really surprised the instructor agreed to go ahead with the class. This lady really challenges us!

Clearly it is too late to set any goals for this week, but as usual, the gym, water, and workout thing has continued on to this week. Anyhoo, that's all for now. Everyone have a great day!

2011-02-20T10:43:00.002-06:00

I wanted to binge last night, only because I was craving sweets and the scale isn't where I'd like it to be. I didn't do it, though, and the scale was down this morning. I can't blame my emotions on a freakin' scale. It is up to me to do the work. So, that's exactly what I intend to do.

I'm tired of being in the 280's. I'm tired of having high blood pressure. I have been watching what I eat for a month now, but I can do better.

My daughter and I are going to do something special over spring break, so I'd like to drop 15lbs by then (gasp!). That gives me exactly 26 days to do so. I know, I know, that seems awfully rushed; however, a little hard work never hurt anyone. If I don't make the short-term goal, I can rest easy knowing I tried!

145/104

2011-02-18T11:36:00.004-06:00

I decided to make an appointment at my doctor's office to get a check-up on my blood pressure. The results were 145/104, which is interesting since it was 145/78 at the dentist's office last week. Talk about a blow to the mind. I have been working diligently to get my blood pressure lowered. In fact, I have been more concerned about lowering my blood pressure than actually losing weight. That is not usually how my brain normally functions. I had to make an appointment with my doctor for next week so he can take my blood pressure, and I am certain he will probably prescribe me medication. Today's visit didn't cost me anything since it was just a visit with the nurse; next week it will cost me, though.

On a happier note, I was down 11lbs. since the last week in December according to the scale at my doctor's office, so instead of focusing on that negative, nasty number, I'm going continue to focus on the goals I have accomplished over the last month. They include:

1. No caffeine
2. A bowl of Cheerios everyday (for the heart)
3. A banana every day (for the heart)
4. Lost 11lbs.
5. No soda
6. Lots of water
7. Working out at least 3 times a week
8. Sticking to roughly 1800 calories a day
9. Wheat bread as opposed to white
9. Ground turkey as opposed to beef

I know I am headed to a better, healthier me!

Damn Sweets!

2011-02-16T10:18:00.003-06:00

This week my house has been filled with candy and cookie dough. I found another bag full of candy in my pantry the other day that my daughter and I used for her winter party in December. After eating a mini bag of M&M's, I decided it would be best if I through the entire bag in the garbage; neither my kid nor I should be eating all that junk. I finally baked the cookie dough last night, and yes, I ate some cookies and cookie dough, eight to be exact. However, I only went 29 calories over my daily goal. I made sure to eat a light breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I knew I wouldn't be able to resist the cookies. As much as I enjoy baking and making "goodie bags" for my kid's school, I think I'll stick to paper plates and napkins next year. Clearly, I am not ready to be around loads of candy and cookie dough without resisting it.

With that said, I'm down 2 more pounds! I've been going to the gym (even jogging) three times a week and really working at sticking to 1800 calories a day. All-in-all, I'd say I'm doing pretty damn good...

Weekly Goals

2011-02-14T12:06:00.002-06:00

I stuck to most of my goals last week: water, exercise, no chips, no soda, but there was one I didn't adhere to, better food choices. I had cookie dough out the ying-yang and enough candy to get me through the month. The candy is now gone (thank God) and the cookie dough will be gone tomorrow. My goals for this week are:

1. Zumba (if they have it. no one has signed up)
2. Water 64 oz.'s daily
3. Gym 3 times
4. NO CANDY
5. NO COOKIE DOUGH

Friend Makin' Mondays: Valentine's Day

2011-02-13T23:35:00.004-06:00

Every Monday, Kenz, over at All The Weigh encourages bloggers to post a question and answer it on their blog in order for them to get to know one another. This week's edition: Valentine's Day. This day has ALWAYS sucked for me when it comes to the romantic aspect of the holiday. I have NEVER had a valentine. Last year, the guy I thought I loved, showed up at my little sister's work place, Buffalo Wild Wings, and grabbed dinner. My sister asked him what we were doing and his response was "I don't know." Mind you, he had just dropped his son off to his mother (which was a rarity) and he had not planned on doing anything with me, nothing special, anyhow. My sister was less than enthused about his response, none-the-less. I was simply pissed. This year, I am putting it all behind me. My romance is awaiting.

How do you plan on celebrating Valentine's Day? I will begin the day by surprising my kid with her gift. I will then attend her Valentine's party at school. Today she gave me a card and a power strip (long story) and won a Valentine's stuffed animal for me. She is so sweet!

Cookie Dough

2011-02-13T11:00:00.002-06:00

I'm sure you can tell where this post is going due to the title. Last year I made cookies for the faculty at my daughter's school during conferences, and they loved them! They have asked me repeatedly to make them again this year, so I am. These are not homemade cookies, they're simply made from cookie dough, which I bought last week...3 packages...and conferences aren't until this Wednesday. Needless to say, one package is nearly gone. I gave my mother the okay to have some, subconsciously giving myself the "go ahead," as well. I have had six pieces: three last week and three last night. They tasted great, and while they were in my calorie range last week, they were not last night, so I dragged my tail-end to the gym to work some of it off. Why did I bring cookie dough into the house last week thinking it would last for a week? WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!

Pity Party

2011-02-12T11:25:00.003-06:00

I obviously had a bit of a pity party yesterday; however, I am over it today. It is beautiful outside and I feel great! Last night I totally binged on...Valentine's candy! My daughter and I were making candy bags for her party on Monday and well, we had a lot left over. Thankfully we made candy bags for my friend and her daughter, so there are only a few pieces left over.

With the sun shining today, it is a reminder that spring is near and summer, too! I have got to get serious about shedding these pounds so that my daughter and I can have a wonderful summer!

Well, I am off to a double-date with my daughter, her friend, and her friend's mother. We are going to watch the girl play basketball, and then we will head to lunch and the movies. We are going to a new restaurant called Five Guys. I've never been, but I've heard it is strictly a burger joing. If that's the case, I will stop at Subway before heading to the movies. I refuse to eat a burger. The grease from it makes me sick and I can't have the cheese.

Anyhow, I hope everyone is well. Enjoy your day!

2011-02-11T15:25:00.003-06:00

I have never had many friends. I usually only have one or two that I am extremely close to. One friend moved to Atlanta when I was 23 and I was supposed to go with her; however, I never did. I have never shared more laughs with anyone else; however, our personalities conflicted a lot. Needless to say, we do not speak at all these days. I have another friend whom I've known since I was 6, but she's not the kind of person I can open myself up to. A lot of times I find myself just listening to her ramble on and on about school and her ex. Did you all hear me? EX! I get so sick of listening to it. This man cussed her out, put her out of her home with her child in the snow, stole her keys, abused her in front of her child and she still wants him back! Anyhow, I listen to her constantly. Never does she ask about my personal life, my breakups. None of my friends have ever been good about that. I should also mention that my friend and I were supposed to be best friends in high school; however, once she met her man (of course) she forgot about me and never even asked me to be in her wedding! She asked some random girls she worked with.

Okay, so today she was talking about a subject that is very sensitive to me, which she knows, and talked poorly about people who feel the same way as me regarding the topic. I was pissed! She does that shit a lot, I mean a lot! It almost seems as though she does it just to say she's better than people. Her sister has 3 children and a husband and my friend gets pissed if her sister won't watch her child for free ALL SUMMER LONG. Her sister comes out once a week to watch her daughter and pick her up from dance because my friend will bitch if her sister won't do it. She only pays her $10 a week and this week asked if $5 would be okay. Her sister makes the 35 min drive to pick my friend's daughter up from dance, watch her at her house, and then drives home every week, all while her family is at home without her and my friend thinks this is okay! I am so fed up! The only reason we're friends, quite frankly, is because our daughters are best friends. If it weren't for that, I could no longer be her friend. When her man treated her like shit, I took her in. I love my friends, would do anything in the world for them. I only wish they'd do the same for me.

2011-02-11T11:59:00.002-06:00

I am down 2.2lbs this week. I guess that's okay. A loss is a loss, right? I have been sticking to 1800 calories a day, which is feasible for me. That means there has been no excess snacking, no large proportions, and no soda! I am proud of myself for the most part. It's a lot of hard work, primarily the mental part of this, but take one day at a time. That's all I can do.

2011-02-09T13:38:00.002-06:00

So, I went to the dentist this morning and was CERTAIN I would have a cavity since it had been a year since I'd seen him for a cleaning (only because I have no dental insurance and spent nearly $2000 last year having surgery on, and buying a splint for, a tooth, which already had a root canal) and there were no cavities! I thought I may have had one since there is an achy spot in between my teeth, but it only aches when I floss. Apparently I am too aggressive with my flossing. Whoops! Also...my blood pressure was normal! It looks as though working out and watching what I eat works! Wow, who da thunk it??

I am down 7lbs. and I couldn't be happier. Weigh-in is Friday and I am excited for the results. Hope you all are having a great week!

Oh, and I want to welcome my new followers! It is nice to see new faces following me on my journey. Thanks!

Oh...

2011-02-08T10:35:00.001-06:00

I'm down 5lbs. this week. Yay!

2011-02-07T10:22:00.002-06:00

I stuck to 1800 calories all week long! However, the scale has not budged in several days. That may be due to the fact that I did not exercise at all over the weekend. In fact, it was a very lazy weekend. I spend Saturday working on a presentation I have to give Thursday (Boo!) and Sunday just relaxing and cleaning part of the house. I am back at it again today, though.

As I was leaving the gym this morning, I overheard a lady asking if anyone had signed up for the Zumba class at the community center. No one had so she didn't sign up. I told her I would sign up because I have wanted to try the class for a while now, plus, it's only 6 weeks and $25, which is not bad. So, I start Zumba on the 15th. Yay!

Last Friday I ate a steak with loaded mash potatoes on the side from Applebee's, and while it was delicious and within my calories, I felt like I ate too much. I should really be cognizant of the food choices I make. Did I really have to get the mashed potatoes loaded? Did I really need to order the parmesan and shrimp steak? And what makes this so bad is that the waiter originally brought me an order of regular mash potatoes and I sent them back to get all the extras! I need to work on this....

I stuck to all my goals last week and will try it again this week (whoops, I had roughly 3-4 corn chips!). I would like to add something in addendum to my goal list from last week...My goals for this week are:

1. Gym 3 times
2. 64 oz.'s of water daily
3. No soda
4. No chips
5. Better food choices

Yoga

2011-02-05T20:51:00.002-06:00

I just want to make a quick post...I did yoga last week with the kid, and there is nothing in me that believes a nearly 300lb. woman should be putting all of her weight on her wrists, lol! I looked like a fish fresh out of water trying to do some of those moves. Don't get me wrong, I used to enjoy doing it twice a week at my previous workplace; however, that was nearly two years ago! Mmm, mmm, mmm, my how my body has CHANGED; there is NO more flexibility in this woman! Don't worry, though, it will all come back to me soon.