At A Stand Still...

My weight has remained at around 284-285 which is awful, but could be worse. I have been stressed to the max with school, but it is all over with on Friday! I have somehow managed to make decent grades (A's) in everything except Biology. It's hard to believe that I was so stressed out about my English course, but my professor was a tremendous help, and I've learned how to write more effeciently. Yay!

Over the break, I honestly plan to hit the gym at least 5 days a week and be a little more cognizant of what I eat. I have had cappuccino's and coffee at least 3 days out of the week, every week in order to stay awake and focused. I guess I should mention that I've had 2 doughnuts along with them. Ha! I'm truly sickened with myself when I think about the foods I ingest. Doughnuts should be the last thing I eat!

Hopefully, I'll be able to blog a bit more over the break and have some awesome news to report! We shall see!

I stepped on the scale this morning and I was 285lbs! This is not good. I've been going to the gym 2-3 times a week, but I have been eating like a horse! I can finally say to myself that I am an emotional eater, though I never considered myself one. If I'm feeling happy, sad, stressed, etc., I eat, and I eat, and I eat. I have eaten more cookies in the last week than I care to mention. I've been cooking, but with me the problem with cooking means I can go back for seconds, and thirds! This is not good.

I'm going to the gym today and I am not excited. I'm at such a loss with what to do. Why do my feelings control the way I eat? I'm sure it's because I turned to it during bad break-ups and it has become my only one true friend over the years. Food is always, always there. I feel like food is my drug of choice and I may need professional help to overcome this addiction, which I cannot afford. What to do, I don't know. Any books anyone can recommend? I need help.

Anyhow, still not dating the guy, nor have I spoken to him. Complicated situation, but I miss him nonetheless. I've gained 6 lbs. since our little break-up. Stupid, just stupid.

So Busy

I just started my fourth class which puts me at 14 hours total this semester. I am swamped out of my gore, but it's been an interesting ride. I met someone and dated him for roughly one month. The situation got extremely hectic and has ended as of 2 weeks ago. I won't get into any details....

My grades aren't too terribly bad; however, my weight is. I'm still at 280 or so. I dropped down to 276 while I was dating, but with me, I always lose weight when I'm happiest. I was happy while I was dating him. He made me feel beautiful. I'm still trying to deal with what has happened between us, but oh well. Anyhow....

I am trying to get serious about losing 50lbs. Not sure how I'll do it, but I'm going to try. I've reactivated my gym membership and actually plan on using it! Yay! Anyhow, that's it for now.

Bye!